Some people don’t understand (no you can not have another cookie) working from home. It’s great in theory (I said no. Where are the puzzle pieces I gave you?). You get to be there for all your kids school and (you better go find them before the dog eats them) social occasions, you can stay in your sweat (what do you mean you let the dog out?) pants all day if you like, and lunch and coffee are available at your finger tips. But sometimes it can be a little daunting. (If the dog went down the street again I’m really going to send her to live on a farm. No, mommy will find her, she’s just kidding. Let’s get your boots on. Well where did you leave your boots? What do you mean you washed them in the toilet?)
Sometimes sitting down to work is a bit of a struggle. You really have to learn how to turn the outside world (No, the dog can not come out of her crate! She’s covered in mud from running down the street. We’ll give her a bath after mommy finishes this article) off. Otherwise dryer buzzers, the mess in the living room, or the show that’s just waiting for you (I’m not going to tell you again to leave that dog alone. Get back down here and finish this puzzle mommy laid out for you) to watch from the night before can get in the way. Last week, for example, I got caught up in the whole Stranger Things on Netflix and found myself sneaking shows between writing assignments. My editor (The puzzle pieces are all there. You have to look for them buddy. Match your colors like I showed you) emailed me and asked me why I turned in a half-written article. Obviously I couldn’t tell her that I’d been binging on a show during my 2 hour #3-is-at-preschool-time and that I accidentally emailed her the wrong article. So, instead I lied and (No, lying is not a good thing #3, you’re right. Mommy was just making a funny joke. No we can’t wash the dog yet. Finish your puzzle) said I’d been having email problems and wanted to make sure my things were coming through to her. (Mommy will help you in a minute, keep trying.)
Working from home also comes with the notion that you’re free at the drop of a hat. People, like your mom, your sister, your husband, your boss, your friends, call/text/send you funny links to videos you “have to watch right now” because you’re there. (You didn’t finish the puzzle. You only put two pieces together. Are you just not into it? How about playdoh? Want to play with your new set?) People also tend to come over..sometimes with a deliciously distracting coffee and maybe even some cookies if you’re lucky.
“I just thought I’d come and see you quick. I’m on lunch.”
“I brought you a coffee. I wanted to talk to you about what happened at my doctor’s appointment. Then I have to go to the grocery store.”
“I wanted to see if you wanted to take a walk with the kids.”
Even the Fedex man seems to want to chat when he catches me. Does nobody respect a good deadline anymore, I want to ask. But, I’m (No! The play-doh stays in front of you. Do not bring it on the floor. No, you didn’t want to play with your puzzle. I brought you the play-doh you wanted!) to nice to say that. So I get roped into conversations and end up writing way into the hours that were intended for the show I wanted to see.
Children also don’t tend to view your working from home job as a career or even a realistic job. In their eyes it’s all cleaning, taking #3 to fun places, visitors, and cookie baking. (Hey! If you fling your play-doh at me again I’m taking it all away! Mommy just needs 2 more minutes, okay buddy? I’m almost done.) There’s often “tummy”ailment calls from the nurse. But, after the second time of rushing to #2 aide, only to have him smile at me from the backseat and say, “Mom, can we go to McDonald’s for lunch together now, ” I became the mom that refused to pick them up.
“Tell them to try and go to the bathroom and I’ll be there to get them at 3:05 when school let’s out. If their stomach still hurts I’ll make soup and cancel the pizza for dinner.”
Luckily I haven’t gotten a nurse phone call in a few days.
(No, the policeman is not coming to this house. His lights must be for someone else.)
Other moms often call with intriguing invites to the playground or coffee or the zoo. But these must be taken lightly as, while they’re great for wearing out a 3 year old and distraction purposes, they’re also a distractions from work deadlines.
(I see the police officer getting out of the car. Keep watching. I bet he’s going to stop traffic so they can fix that light. Keep watching!)
Playdates, preschool, and zoo trips are all pre-planned throughout the week, you know because of that whole-gotta get paid job thing-so spontaneous, unplanned playdates equal up-until-midnight deadlines that tend to leave me grumpy and beginning another work from home day, battling phone calls, visitors, funny links, and distracting texts, with a less than enthusiastic outlook. Questions like, “Can you talk,” or “What do you have to do today” or, my personal favorite, “You don’t really work,” become met with short, nasty comments. Texts don’t get answered, visitors are met with an unkind growl, my hatred for spur of the moment playdates cause a loathing inside me that I often can’t shake until a day or two, and dinner becomes crap on a plate.
But, on the days that are good (He’s not coming here kiddo. Go back to your play-doh cake. I can’t wait to eat it) working from home is all coffee and cookies and paychecks and comfy clothes. It’s a transcending gig that.. (wait, he is coming here. What’s going on? Wait, #3 is that my phone? Who did you call? Omg you dialed 911?!!
“Hello Officer. Would you like to come in? No, I’m not busy….”
